Hate Valentine's, but love to love to love ya

Bah humbug! Valentine's, smalentines! Only thing I like about February 14 is that it's my grandmother's birthday. (I know she don't read blogs, but Happy Birthday Grandma!)

"My Sweetie" by Bunny Mack


Romance, with no finance? No chance
I never cared much for this alleged holy-day. It was always a source of disappointment. Either I never had a Valentine, or I didn't (seem) have all the material things for a Valentine. "What's love got to do with it?"

I remember stealing some flowers and Scooby Doo Valentines cards in elementatry school. Meanwhile, I didn't get a card (at least, not from who I wanted one from), and vaguely recall being disappointed.

So, I suppose it was either poverty or the penitentiary chances I was taking as a pre-teen that has led me to hate on Valentine's since high school.

"It's a Hallmark holiday," I once heard someone say. And it is. According to a the National Retail Federation, the average U.S. consumer spends $116 on V-Day, with all U.S. consumers spending about $15.7 billion dollars.

It's not hard to imagine. Card, teddy bear, flowers, candy, dinner, movies, hotel, prophylactics, VD testing, collect calls and conjugal visits, and all those expenses.

"True love and intimacy should be celebrated everyday. It shouldn't take a commercial holiday to remind your significant other that you love and appreciate them." Khari Toure

I was eating dinner with a friend (a rather cute friend too) at La Pinata a few nights ago when a woman approaches us with roses, "Flowers for your girlfriend?" :::shakes head::: It reminded me back in the day when I used to do the same thing. After all my clepto-celebrations, I decided to start a business. I was eight years old going from restaurant to restaurant on Webster St in Alameda selling flowers. And I was bold too!

"Flowers for your lady?" I'd ask. "No, I'm cool little man." My response, "What, your lady ain't good enough for some flowers?" or I'd say to her, "If you were with me, I'd have you sleeping on a bed of rose petals." Ok. I never said that last one, but one time, I pulled a smooth move. When the guy said no, I pulled out a single red rose and gave it to the woman he was with. It was inside some Italian restaurant in Frisco. I said, "This one's on me. I know a valuable lady when I see one." The man bought all my flowers for $100.

Like they say, "Romance with no finance has no chance." Even before I was ten, under the watchful eye of Senor Cupid, I understood this and used it to my financial advantage. Of course, there's no when capital is involved.

"Tired of Being Alone" and "Tired of the Fake sh-t"
I've been trying to figure out, why I feel how I feel about Valentine's. And Al Green's, "Tired of Being Alone" came on.

"The people with the most disdain for Valentine's day are usually lonely or hurting," writes my friend Charles Perkins. There may be some truth to this. For years I have railed against Valentine's Day (not withstanding when I was trying to profit myself). This has often been to the detriment of my relationships. I'm sure this has been a greater source of disappointment to the women who were interested in me. I suppose the disdain comes from the hurt of feeling alone and/or lonely. So when Charles writes, "Give everyone you see (that looks like they have good hygiene) a hug," I know I could use one. But it's more than that driving the disgust.

This holiday, like many others in the United Snakes, feels fake. And let's keep it real. How many women are being battered before, during and after Valentine's Day? How many sexually transmitted diseases are being spread on Valentine's? How many people do you know that fucked off they credit for a jump-off? I know, or have known, a few of each.

So, in a time period when women are objectified and marginalized, I find it difficult to (a) bang on babylon and this capitalist distraction, while (b) helping to validate women and their primacy in our species' survival. I want to validate the women in my life (and not just polyamorously), but have refused to do so at a dictated time in a dictated, commercial manner. In reality, days like Valentine's can be confusing as to how to really celebrate our better halves. Breaking the Chains of Psychological Slavery also requires breaking out of capitalist paradigms that define love financially.

"I'm looking for a real love"
Mary J. Blidge sang, "I'm looking for a real love. Someone to set my heart free." Same for me. I'm not looking for a love that will imprison me in unhappiness. Nor do I want to be a source of unhappiness for my mate. But I've found the pressure to celebrate Valentines can be a deal breaker.

Fortunately, I know better and have experienced a real love. And I know that a real love understands if you have to work, go to school, or take someone to the hospital on February 14. I'd "love to love to love ya", but I just ain't no "Funny Valetine" type.

As best as I know, I will celebrate our love every day. I'm not gone wait until February 14th to express our love either.

"True love and intimacy should be celebrated everyday. It shouldn't take a commercial holiday to remind your significant other that you love and appreciate them," writes poet Khari Toure.

If I see Cupid on the block, I'm taking his arrows and selling them at the Laney College Flea Market next weekend. I don't care what 112 says, Cupid be lying.

And as Khari writes, "Roses wilt, candy causes cavities and cards get lost over time but true love is eternal." Let's go beyond the simplistic signs of so-called love and seek a love that's everlasting.

Wale - My Sweetie:

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